Advent by Candlelight: Joy

By: Vivian Asztalos 

A written transcript of Vivian’s talk, from our Advent by Candlelight on December 2nd.

Who here knows Marie Kondo? She’s that organizer consultant, tiny, very cute, had a netflix series right before the pandemic? It was called Tidying Up, the focus was on removing excess baggage from your home: finding what was taking up closet space that you didn’t need anymore, that you didn’t even really want anymore. Her big thing was that when you were going through your house, you picked up every object you owned, and asked yourself, “does this spark joy?”. If the answer is yes, you find a new, better place to put it, more organized and all that. A place the object fits into…

If the answer is no, because let’s say, it’s a dress that you’ll never fit into again, you donate it. But before you do, you have to show appreciation for it. Anyone else remember this? You hold it, gently, cradling it like a baby, and you say “thank you”, for the part it played in your life. “Thank you, dress. I bought you when I was a teenager. Fifty pounds ago. I wore you to a date with Greg. I had a crush on him for years, and he said you were a beautiful dress and I looked beautiful in you. I’ll always cherish those memories of that day. Thank you.” Then you donate it. Because it doesn’t fit anymore! It brought you Joy, once, but it no longer does.

Why am I talking about this? Because I spent years not making room in my life for Joy. This was something I actually realized while watching Tidying Up. I didn’t have space for the things I actually wanted in life, it was all taken up by things I used to want, or at least thought I wanted. My life was out of order. As I watched this beautiful little woman walk through people’s closets, I wasn’t thinking about how I could hang my clothes differently, I was struck with how rarely I asked myself if the things I was putting my time and energy into “sparked Joy.” I realized not only did I not have Joy in my life, that I didn’t even have a place to put it if I was given some.

There were a couple things I stepped back from, with appreciation. I want to share one here: that roughly a year ago, I left my old church. I had been a member for about five years, on various committees and ministries, through the pandemic, and through two different transitions between pastors. I’m not here to spill tea, or tell tales out of school. There wasn’t any grand moment or exciting story to tell; what sparked my leaving was actually pretty mundane. My wife, Alyson, pointed out that I was hardly ever attending service anymore, and asked me why that was. It took me weeks of prayerful contemplation to answer her fully, but what I eventually landed at was that this was another thing that no longer fit me, no Joy was being sparked, I had made so much of my life about this church and I was getting nothing out of it. Leaving was hard. Even showing as much appreciation as I could, I still felt awful. It took me a while to see it, but it was the right choice, I had opened myself up to the possibility of having Joy in my life again. And then I had to find it. This was another thing I learned, that people don’t just walk into your life and say “look Viv, here’s Joy! Here’s something fun to do!”. Especially while I was guest teaching, which used to be my job, there wasn’t much Joy there.

That said, while you do have to find Joy, God helps. They give you these little opportunities and windows- it often feels like I’m that proverbial horse, getting led to water again and again. Which is how I ended up here. I was at the Diocean convention last year, as one of the lay delegates for my previous church, when I first met our Rector, Father Bill. It was a chance encounter, and would have been so easy to just move past, keeping my life as it was, no Joy because I had no room for it. But, instead, after meeting him, I looked into Christ Church Cranbrook, and I took a chance: I came to service, and was invited in with such eager arms that it was like drowning in Joy! I found so much of what I was lacking in my life. Ministries, initiatives, and Grace that I hadn’t felt engaged in for years. God had brought me here, but it was my choice to stay. Those spaces you make in your life that you want to be filled with Joy will just fill up with crap if you’re not actively keeping those spaces clear. It’s an active discernment, constantly checking in, is this a good relationship, am I being nourished by it, am I in the right group, is this the right place for me? Am I finding Joy? These are hard questions, and to be honest, I don’t have a great track record of answering them honestly, because often what I ask instead is “who would I be letting down if I took this space in my life back?”.

But I’m getting better at it. I’m keeping myself honest, and organized, trying to make my life into one of those immaculately organized closets on Tidying Up. Making space for Joy Coming here was choosing Joy for me, being here for the past year, in all the ways that I am, hospitality, love wins, Sunday school, just sitting in service. Christ Church Cranbrook is busy, often very chaotic, and it demands a lot. But none of these things change how much Joy it brings me. Like I said earlier, I was a guest teacher before, for about five years, around the same amount of time I was at my last church actually. And once again, it’s funny the way God led me to a chance for Joy again – when Father Bill told me that the Welcome Coordinator position had opened up and he’d like me to apply. My first instinct was to say no, I had been offered a better job at the school I was teaching in, the job brought me no Joy but it’s so easy to leave your life a mess, to leave it disorganized. But instead, I came here. I chose Joy, I told God: “Lord, I’m ready to be happy at my job.”

Walking through those doors a year ago was an active choice to redirect my life to a path that would bring me Joy. Becoming your Welcome Coordinator was another choice for Joy, to make my work about God. It’s why I picked it as my topic. Because I have so much Joy right now to share with you all. Standing here now, with all of you, I am filled with more Joy than I have ever known before and wanted to share that, with gratitude. Thank you all!

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